


Baking Lessons

by viridianmasquerade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Baking, Friendship, Gen, Online Friendship, baking lessons, friendship fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 02:05:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viridianmasquerade/pseuds/viridianmasquerade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane must overcome her nerves in order to livestream baking lessons for her best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baking Lessons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liache](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=liache).



"Okay, uh." Jane paused, already feeling awkward. Talking to Roxy was so easy over Pesterchum! How could this be so difficult in comparison? It should be just like a phone call, only more so. Except she'd never actually phoned Ro-Lal in all the years she'd known her. So there was that. She licked her lips, then winced, realizing she'd probably just smeared the cherry-red lipstick she'd spent so darn long applying so darn perfectly. Could this be any more of a boondoggle, she wondered.

Bing!

She jumped, looking back over her shoulder. Immediately realizing her mistake, she looked down at her laptop, telling herself fruitlessly to calm down. This was not that big a deal.

Yes it was.

TG: u ok bb?

"Fine, Roxy, really! It's just sort of awkward, talking towards a chat window on a laptop screen. It would be so much better if I could see you as well."

TG: i knwo but  
TG: theres only so much mad leetfilthy code haxoring i can do in a day

"If I may remind you, Ro-Lal, you have had weeks," Jane said, quite reasonably.

There was a long pause.

TG: mhm  
TG: mhmmm

And another.

TG: ok so like i was sayin lets get strated  
TG: wanna watch u bake tha hells outta some mad tatsy chocco cake  
TG: *tasty  
TG: *wonk* ;)

Jane sighed. She'd suggested baking lessons as a joke, but Roxy had seized upon the idea with gusto. Eager to finally be able to share her talents with her best friend, Jane had been enthusiastic at first, but after weeks of waiting for Roxy to 'haxor up' a program that would let Jane stream video to her without any of the so-called Batterwitch's advertising, she had gotten cold feet. Naturally, Roxy had finally produced the program (one-hundred percent Crockercorp brainwashing free, or so it was claimed) this morning.

Now Jane couldn't help wishing she had never suggested it at all. Her outfit (carefully selected although Jane would never admit to it) suddenly didn't seem to fit right. Everything itched. She was sure her makeup looked like an accident in a paint factory. Her kitchen was messy and outdated and it all just felt wrong. If only her father had allowed her to install the beautiful new Crockercorp appliances she wanted, but he preferred to keep the kitchen just as his father had kept it. In fairness, it had always made it feel homey, if old-fashioned; now it just seemed embarassing.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea after all, Roxy," she said, looking away from the camera. "Maybe we should stop while we're ahead."

TG: i thought u might get stage fright  
TG: even tho ur not on a stage ur in tha kitchen  
TG: which is totez cute btw look at the pictures on tha wall

"Oh, shucks, no, it's so - " Bing!

TG: so neway i told di-stri and a certain other boy to come join in to encourage u!  
TG: should be logging in aaaaaaaaaaany sexond now  
TG: whoops *secand  
TG: nah it checks out nvm

"Roxy no! That's a terrible idea, tell them to - " Bing! Bing!

TT: Tell us to what, Crocker?  
GT: Greetings jane!!!

Oh, no. She stepped back and took a deep breath.

TG: u cant quit on me now janey  
TG: we r all waitin on u  
TT: Hold your horses. What the fuck does she mean, quit?  
GT: Gadzooks miss crocker are you really threatening to throw in the towel before youve even begun?

"No, I - I mean, I - just, um." She trailed off, staring at the screen. Her friends were all waiting for her. Roxy probably actually had worked for weeks doing fiddly computer things to the software. She was right - no quitting now. It wouldn't be fair to disappoint everyone. Jane cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and smiled as big as she could manage. "Well, you're all here, so why don't we get started!"

Measure, sift, and whisk: the dry ingredients were a snap, as always; she was deft and careful, answering the questions that popped up on the screen as she scooped and poured and multi-tasked like a champion. She was a kitchen wizard! A master detective detecting the secret to perfect cake! The one true heir to the Crockercorp fortune! She elbowed the flour tin into the sink!

TT: Is that part of the recipe? I'm writing it down.

"Aw, hell," she said, deflating like a startled soufflé. "My sink's all full of flour." And she had been doing so well, too. Now she looked like a proper oaf.

TT: So it's not actually part of the recipe then.  
TT: I still wrote it down just in case.  
TG: shh dirk donut be mean 2 her  
TG: she deserves all our love and attention  
TT: Donut, Roxy?  
TG: shh it was defs a pun i did on purpose  
GT: Press onward jane i assure you our attention is GUNG HO TO THE MAX!

Okay, okay, press onward. Even though you have embarassed yourself in front of your secret crush plus your two other best friends, she thought. Keep going, you can do this. Next stop, wet ingredients. You can do this. You have done this a hundred times by yourself. You can do it once with an audience.

Measure, check, and pour. The familiarity helped her regain her composure. "You absolutely have to be careful with your mixer here," she said, blending the milk and eggs in with her patented Junior Battermaster's Bowlbuster Stirring Solution 50000. "One wrong move and you've got batter all over the gosh-darned place. Now, I know the recipe says to put the vegetable oil in along with those two, but I like to put it in," she reached for the oil with her free hand, Junior Battermaster Stirring Solution still whirring in the bowl, "after I've blended the eggs and milk, because -"

Bing!

GT: Gosh i know im jumping the gun here but i just had to say it certainly is a treat getting to watch you make all this impeccable-looking cake!  
GT: I wish i was there so i could lick your bowl good and clean after.

Jane felt her cheeks grow hot and ducked her head, knowing it was no use even trying to hide it. Where the femmes fatale of her detective stories blushed demurely, subtly, even attractively, Jane blushed like she'd had her cheeks dipped in cherry glaze - bright red, and impossible to get rid of in a timely fashion.

TG: OMG JAKE!!!!!!  
TG: oh em gee  
TT: That's a little fucking forward, don't you think, bro?  
TT: I mean, in mixed company and all.  
GT: What the devil-fucking dickens are you two talking about.  
GT: Who in their right friggin mind could see a splendiferous sight like that and not want to lick the bowl?

The Stirring Solution slipped. Batter splattered, accompanied by a frantic influx of bings. She whirled towards the laptop, sending the oil careening across the counter as an added bonus. "Well," she said, staring at the wreckage, voice starting to crack, "I do believe I've destroyed my entire work area." Pull it together, she admonished herself angrily. A master chef does not cry over spilled milk! Or oil, as the case may be. Even still, she could feel the prickling of panicked tears. Why couldn't she have giggled adorably and thrown out a witty retort? Why did she have to get so nervous? Why couldn't she be as cool as Dirk, as clever as Roxy?

TG: ooomg english look wat u did  
GT: I still dont understand what the devil youre all talking about.  
TT: "Lick your bowl", Jake? Read it again.  
TG: WINK ;) ;) ;)  
GT: What i dont...  
GT: WAIT OH NO!  
GT: Jane i swear on scouts honor that was meant in the least suggestive way possible!

The fridge. She could hide in the fridge. No, too cold. The oven? No, it was preheating. She flung the fridge open anyway, looking for any excuse to turn away from the unblinking stare of the webcam. She was absolutely not going to cry.

TG: jane bb u ok  
TG: jaaaaaaaaney  
TG: jane plz come back  
GT: Oh hell now i feel like quite the epic friggin tool.  
TT: Probably because you are the most epic of friggin tools right now.  
TG: wait i guess u cant see this scince ur lookin at the refridg erador  
TG: *refrigerador  
TG: **refrideragor  
TG: holy shit nvm  
TG: anyway u can hear the bings dammit jane  
TG: turn around plz  
GT: Please come back jane i didnt mean to be such a horses ass.  
TG: jane  
TG: jane ur my most best n bueatiful friend plz come bake 4 us we luv u  
TT: Roxy, I'm not even the Autoresponder, and I can tell you there's a 97.6% chance that she is all kinds of not going to turn around if you keep fucking doing that.  
TT: Just give her a minute, she'll come around. It's Jane, after all.

It took more than a minute, interspersed with occasional impatient bings, but eventually Jane regained herself enough to wipe her watering eyes - carefully, so as to not smear her makeup any more than it already was - and close the fridge. She turned back to the camera, ready to tell everyone she was very sorry but she would have to cancel baking lessons because she couldn't keep her act together long enough to even mix the batter, let alone bake the cake.

TG: yessssssss i knew u would retrun to us eventualy

She paused before starting her speech, and noticed the messages she'd missed. She scrolled up. There were a lot of them. Mostly from Roxy (complimentary and misspelled), but there were some from Jake (verbose and apologetic), and even a couple from Dirk (terse but sincere). Nobody, she realized, thought she was an oaf except herself.

"Oh shucks, you three," she said, sniffling, "gosh, now you are going to make me cry."

TG: less crying more baaking!!!!!!!  
TG: *baking  
TT: I'm with Ro-Lal, let's get this show on the road, Crocker.  
GT: Yes gad freaking zooks please do.  
GT: I absolutely swear on great cesars ghost not to say anything idiotic again.

"I suppose you will have to keep your hands off the keys then, hm?" she said, with a smile.

TT: Told you she'd be fine.  
TG: whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
TG: jakey u just got told  
TG: propper told like sum1 just came to ur door and delivred a telegram full of told  
TG: a singing tegleram even

"Righty-o!" Jane took stock of the wreckage. It wasn't as bad as she'd thought, in reality. There were splatters of batter and a pool of oil, but the damage was mostly superficial. It was certainly salvageable; a few moments' cleaning and she was back to where she'd left off. Just the last few wet ingredients and then it was time to make the frosting!

Which reminded her, she needed to do a little prep work first. "You'll need to soften the butter, of course," she said, throwing hers in the microwave. "We can do that while I finish mixing the rest of the batter up." The Stirring Solution whirred back to life in her hand.

Oil, eggs, and vanilla. Jane's focus was total. Masterful. Nigh-fanatical. Even the chat program's bings dropped away to nothing. She would have batter as smooth as silk, oh yes. It would pour like water and bake like _beep beep beeeeeeeeeeep_!

Jane startled but managed to keep herself together, just barely, like a gingerbread house with not quite enough frosting. "Shut the fuck up, microwave!" she squawked, yanking the door open with one hand, still mixing with the other.

TG: ahaha ilu when ur mad janey

Pour, scrape, and oven: a nigh-flawless transfer of batter to pan marred only by a blob of batter that somehow endeavoured to find its way onto her thus-far-unsullied shirt. "Oh, shucks!" she pouted.

TT: I feel like that could have been avoided if you'd worn an apron like any sensible fucking chef.

"Aprons are for pansies," Jane said dismissively, scooping the batter off with her thumb. "I am not a pansy, Mister Strider." She licked her thumb and added, with giddy impulsiveness, "Are you?"

TT: They're also for sensible people who don't want batter on their shirts.  
TT: I would describe myself as a sensible person who doesn't want batter on his shirt.  
TG: or u could just bake.........  
TT: Don't.

"Don't," Jane said, simultaneously, knowing it was futile.

TG: with ur shirt off!  
TG: *soooo much winkin rite now*  
TT: And you did anyway.  
TG: naturlly ;)  
TT: Naturally.  
GT: *Tugs collar*  
GT: Egad...

"Hoo, hoo, um, let's just finish the icing shall we!" she said hurriedly, feeling a blush rising in her cheeks again. Retrieving the butter from the microwave made a good excuse to hide her face while (she hoped, vainly) it faded.

GT: That certainly is a hyperbolic amount of butter you have got there jane.  
TG: r u sure u have enuf

"Roxy do you know how much butter it takes to make icing this delicious?"

TG: no not really

"It takes a veritable fuck-ton of butter!" she declared with some satisfaction, dumping it into her icing bowl. It really did, too. "So in fact there is a possibility that I do not have enough."

Whisk, blend, and cream: she set to work finding out. As it turned out, she was a master chef, and had estimated the amount of butter she would need perfectly. She was in no way surprised by this, although her friends, gratifyingly, were.

The last remaining step was to ice the cake, which she did with aplomb, only dropping the knife once when Roxy made another of her famously inappropriate comments at the worst (best?) possible time. Even then, she managed not to drop it on herself. The end result was a beautiful two-layer chocolate cake with icing as smooth as Jeff Foxworthy.

TG: omg look at it  
TG: looooooook its so georgeous  
GT: Holy fucking mackerel i know if i try it wont turn out half as hunky dory as that.  
TT: That sure is one fine-looking specimen of cake there, Jane.

"I wouldn't have made it without you guys," she said, grinning happily. And it was true.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by, and written for, tumblr user liache, who is a major cutie and my headcanon Jane cosplayer. Much of Jane's dialogue is straight out of a livestream liache did a month or so ago, baking in her Jane cosplay and being one hundred percent in character even when not being in character. Sorry it took so long!


End file.
